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« True Grit #1: A Pissy Situation | Main | Q&A -- My Inattentive Toddler »

Comments

Makita

Urrgh. I had just typed out a long narrative and lost it before it posted... trying again...

My daughter has been in an similiar situation. There is a little girl in our neighborhood who she has become fascinated with. We've enjoyed several several playdates and have gone to the park together.

Most recently we were at the park for another girl's birthday party. As we were preparing to leave, my daughter went over to this girl and attempted to take her hand saying, "Let's hold hands when we go home." (We were going to walk home together)

Said girl pulls her hand away and in disgust says, "I don't want to hold hands. I don't want you." The girls had just minutes before been playing quite nicely on the structures so I don't know what prompted this other than the fact that she probably just didn't want to go home and didn't know how to verbalize this (said girl is 4 1/2 yrs, DD will be 4 next month).

Needless to say, my daughter is in tears and can't understand why she doesn't want to be friends. This isn't the first time this has happened... but I have never intervened... always wanting the girls to work work it out themselves.

When we got home, I had a talk with DD and explained that there are good friends (those that make you feel good about yourself and think of your feelings) and bad friends (those that make you feel sad/hurt and don't always consider your feelings). I told her it was her choice to decide which type of friend she wanted to be and her choice who she played with.

We haven't yet had the opportunity to test out our discussion.

~~~

Funny though - there have also been a few sticky situations with said girl's mom. For example, at a playgroup gathering, my daughter wanted a treat and I said she would need to ask nicely and say please. This girl's mom insisted that 'please' was not necessary... we went back and forth for a few moments before I conceited... not wanting to make a scene in front of others and the kids.

I have several other anecdotes I could share similiar to this whereby this mom interjects her parenting style on others without thought of how it is preceived.

Mama of 2

What a wonderful post.
I had a similar situation happen recently and looking back on it I had to apologize to my son for putting him in a situation he didn't want to be in because I felt that I needed to make an appearance.
You are so right that adults make things more complicated than children ever do. So really what's so great about growing up then?

Kristen

Interesting!! I love the logic that the straightforward manner kids use isn't necessarily "rude" - I need to do a better job of drawing that line for my kids.

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