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« Q&A -- Social Anxiety in a 3-year-old | Main | Working From Home and a Toddler - Can they be Combined? »

Comments

Mary P

I like the idea of creating an alternate response in your own mind. Generally, my practice has been, at the moment of provocation, to take a deep breath and try to respond without rage. If I don't think that's possible, I simply walk away.

I'd also brainstorm ideas of how to change whatever behaviour was driving me mental, but I've never gone so far as to mentally pre-create my response. I like it.

hilary

Great post. I'm am deep in tantrums with my 2year old and I have learned that timeouts (5min) help my son and me decompress enough that I can walk back into the room- explain the situation to him and let him know that it doesn't make mamma happy. We had about 2wks straight of back and forth timeouts, over the past week we've had none and I always remind him how happy I am that he's playing nice and being such a good boy.

stefanierj

If it had been Mary writing that post, I'd swear the person she was talking about was ME. I have always had a hot temper and have really tried to control it, but I am not always successful, so I appreciate this post.

Mary P

Aw, Stef. I don't think ANYONE gets through the toddler years without losing their temper with their child. The issue, as I'm sure you know, is not the temper itself, but what you do with it.

And! Learning constructive ways to handle your anger when your child is a toddler is GREAT practice for when they get to their teens. (Says the woman utterly swamped by the blighters.)

Holly

I found the toddler years to be a breeze back then I didn't get angry because it seemed so harmless when a near-baby broke your rules...no disrespect intended.

It's these preteen years that are invoking the anger. When she is defiant I take it so much more personally. I know it is not logical, but my first feeling is one of FAILURE. I feel like "I just spent ten years of my life raising this child and THIS is what I've taught her!!"

She is like the cake that didn't rise sometimes and THAT makes me angry!

Laura

Holly,

Ah, yes, the preteen years! I can see how that can feel so much more personal.

She's reached a new period of development and she's testing boundaries all over again. Just as with the toddler years, remaining consistent is the key. The teaching continues...and you will get through it!

The key may be to step back and remind yourself and her brain is going through another intense period of pruning. Then there's the very intense need to differentiate from the family. She's got a LOT going on inside of her. Use this information as your self-talk through this period. It's not about you and your parenting. It's about what she's going through growth wise.

All the best!

Laura

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