My Sleep Story

[As part of our sleep series, we promised you we'd tell you our own sleep stories.  Here's mine:]

When the Tod-lar was about 4 1/2 months old, he decided naps were for babies and he'd outgrown the need for such time-wasters.  He had more important grown-up types of things to do with his day, like go to the mall strapped to daddy's chest, facing out and cooing at cute girls.  One day, while flirting with a young woman at Victoria's Secret as I shopped, he suddenly burst into hysterics.  At first, I couldn't tell if he was crying or laughing.  Then I realized he was actually doing both. 

"What's the matter?" Husband asked.

"I think it's because he's not getting enough sleep.  He's not napping anymore."

"But if he was tired, he'd go to sleep.  So maybe he's not tired."

If only it were that simple.  But I'm sure you've heard the line (or a variation of it) before, "When the baby's hungry, he'll eat, and when he's tired, he'll sleep."  The first part of this saying may be right, but the second half?  Not so right.

The time had come for the Tod-lar to be napping on an organized schedule, but I was unsure how to make that happen.  I didn't want to let him cry (even though before he was born, I told Husband I wouldn't be one of those mothers who won't let their baby cry, and then when he was born, and I heard him cry, I couldn't let him do it for even a second -- obviously, one should never say never, especially before the baby arrives), so I tried everything else that didn't involve crying.  I tried singing, massaging, shssshing, rocking, feeding, binking, sitting next to the crib, sitting farther away from the crib but in the same room, darkening the windows with tinfoil (the neighbors thought we'd turned our home into a crack-house), playing soothing music, playing soothing sounds, like running water and white noise -- you name it, I tried it (though I didn't try everything simultaneously).  Nothing put him to sleep, but everything kept him awake. 

All of these suggestions were taken from numerous books, articles, other mothers -- anywhere and everywhere one can imagine.  But, the one book I'd looked to for scheduling naps and learning signs of drowsiness was also the one book whose technique I was ignoring.  I could ignore it no longer.  The lack of sleep was making Tod-lar's behavior unbearable not just for us but for him as well.  Poor Tod-lar seemed to not even want to be in the same room with himself. 

Fortunately, Husband was between jobs and staying home when we finally realized we had to sleep train our little man.  We prepared ourselves mentally and emotionally.  We mapped out a plan of action:  We would tell him it was time for nap, put him down, and not return until an hour had passed.  However, we agreed that if his crying escalated to screaming bloody murder, then one of us would go in, tell him again it was time for sleep and rub his back briefly to calm him -- but this could only happen once during the hour. 

Five horrible days later, Tod-lar was napping twice a day, two hours at a time.  He went down without a peep and woke up smiling.  It was total hell, but it was worth it.  We were finally spending time with the "real" Tod-lar and not the on-the-verge-of-hysterics Tod-lar.  Since that time, he's had regressions, but with a day or two of sleep-training, he's back on track.  Now, at 3 years-old, he sleeps 12 hours at night (7-7) and 1 1/2 hours during the day.  Not bad for a kid who was not a "born sleeper!"

We also sleep-trained Bah-bie.  She proved to be far more tenacious and cried everyday for two weeks straight.  She's on the same sleep schedule as the Tod-lar now, only she's sleeps at least 2 hours during the day. 

With both children, we see no signs of trauma.  Husband and I, however, are suffering from PTSD. 

Comments

[Chelsea]

Oh my goodness- my story is identical! (minus Bah-bie, we haven't had a second child yet)

I also tried to ignore THE BOOK, though I had previously swore I wasn't "that type of mother", but in the end it was what my son desperately needed!

Of course not many new Mom's are open to THE BOOK so you have to tread lightly when recommending it or you are seen as hard-hearted!

[CeCe]

I read that book when my kid was tiny and really liked it. It works! I like how Weisbluth mentions different soothing methods, and includes co-sleeping as an option too. He just seemed to have all veiw points covered. Although, that book is not very well organized! I hope the next edition is better edited!

[Kat O+]

It's good you and your husband came to an agreement. I just had to tell mine to shut up and endure it. I was so glad when our paediatrician told him in no uncertain terms that we had to do control crying. He still whinged, but then I could blame the doctor. :-)

[stefanierj]

Great post, Laura. We waited until D was 14 months old, but he's now a champion sleeper. At almost 22 months, he sleeps abour 12 hours at night and at thir writing had been sleeping for about 3+ hours for a nap.

Now if only his preschool could figure out how to get him to nap longer than 1.5 hours. Grrrrr.

[Tricia]

By the time our son was 9 months it was our pediatrician in conjunction with my husband who made me see that going in and calming him, picking him up etc. where only dragging out the sleep training process. He'd be happy as a clam when I picked him up (didn't leave the room) but even more upset when I put him down. J is very strong willed and sleep training took more than 3 weeks of bedtime "drama". Thankfully once he was asleep he was asleep for 12 hours or his one of his 1.5-2 hour naps. Now at 16 months he goes down without a fuss, even for his Gran. Tough measures were required, as were earplugs for mom, but they worked.

It's not a story we share with too many parents. Until you're there, you don't seem understand it. I even had to send one well meaning relative home for being so sympathetic to his cries that I was letting myself feel guilty for doing what was starting to work. I nearly gave in, but that wouldn't have helped J.

[Annie]

I have a cousin with a 6 month old with every sleep problem in the book. She's asked me for advice, and I've been forced to admit that in my professional life, I've really not had to deal with a problem sleeper yet. I'm sure my time will come, though (probably when it comes time to have my own).

-Annie

[Kristin]

Laura, you have inspired me to finally go through with this! I have an 8 1/2 month old and I have been trying to let her "cry it out" since she was about 6 months but I always had an excuse on why it wasn't necessary. She has never been a bad sleeper but just an inconsistent sleeper. All last week we had her falling asleep on her own but with me in the room with her. It was hard but much better than rocking her to sleep only to have her roll over with eyes wide open the second I laid her down! This week, I am out of the room and letter her cry. I, like you, have tried everything else and am now bound and determined to get her to fall asleep on her own. So far so good- she did it this morning for her nap and this afternoon as well. It's not very fun but at least we're doing it! Thanks for the motivation!

[hazela]

ok...thanks for the reminder...I've just reread THE BOOK (which I bought as Mary had mentioned it a few times in the blog) and know I need to do the cry for an hour bit, we keep slipping in to stick the pacifier in cos we know that helps him get to sleep.
I think the best way I have of reminding myself I have to let him sleep is to tell myself I wouldn't let him starve if he is hungry so I need to get him to sleep for growth as well.
I'm not sure I'm approaching the day time naps in the right way either. So far I've mostly got him to sleep at least twice in the day (starting 8:30 to 9:30 and 1:00 to 2:30) but I'm doing this by using the swing and white noise. Now that I've got him used to going down at those times I need to move him to his cot during the day...sigh...did anyone do it that way and have it work, or am I destined to be really starting from scratch?

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